Another day, Another dollar

Another week has passed and I, of course, forgot Truth Tuesday. No surprise there. I remembered Wednesday morning and suddenly was filled with complete sadness! Darn it. Next time;)

Lately I feel like I hardly have enough time to catch my breath. Between working, trying to maintain some sort of figure, and attempting to have a social life... I am drained! There truly aren't enough hours in the day. Wednesday and Fridays are my absolute set gym days with my sisters, no if's and's or but's about it. We go in the morning around 9 and usually leave around 11:30. I love that because I always leave knowing I got a workout that was worth it! Then throughout the week I can hit the gym randomly but I really love to go for runs around the lake and on the greenbelt and do a killer ab workout at home. It's hard to get motivated at home but once I am, I get a pretty effective workout. Needless to say, this past week has been my "slacker" week. I am less than thrilled about that. I have allowed myself to eat what seems to be enough to feed a small country and I haven't had the time to get in very many serious workouts with dentist appointments, hair appointments, work, and graduation and parties. I am basically feeling like a failure and trying to get myself out of this little "funk". It needs to happen ASAP.

Graduation came and went. Whitnee is all grown up and out of high school! It's so hard to believe, it was just yesterday the 2 of us thought we owned the school, when really we were just your typical, prepster, 12 year olds. Sad.. To my surprise, Whitnee did not cry at her graduation, I, on the other hand, bawled my eyes out. What can I say? I am an emotional person. I just love Melba and all that it holds and stands for. That's the thing about small towns, it takes you awhile to really appreciate all they have to offer. Everything about Melba screams home. The slideshow started and it seems that most every country song about big timin' in small towns and bonfires with your friends really hits home. The moment I heard Tattoos on this Town, I burst out in tears..which also happened to be the moment the slideshow started, oh well, no shame. I am so, incredibly thankful that my family chose little Melba town to be our hometown. Growing up there only contributed to my momma's raising me right. The hard times made me stronger and the easy one's made it worth it. I love the simplicity of it, it's made made me a girl who's easily satisfied. Where I grew up it's all about dirt roads and big trucks. There's nothing quite like it. It's so fun to look back and reflect on the little people we used to know and be and see what we have all grown into. In the end, congrats Melba High Class of 2012!

This song, Small Town USA by Justin Moore, kicked off my Senior slideshow. I remember all year while I made the slideshow, I just knew this song would start it off. It touches my heart and is so fitting!

Other than that, the weekend is almost here! I am getting my hair done tomorrow morning which is always a great way to kick off any day. I work this weekend as well but am hoping to get a fun-filled weekend in with some long drives, maybe Idaho City or McCall. I want to go to the lake, hike, and fish. I am in need of the great outdoors and some relaxing, peace time. My little Baxter is in desperate need as well.

^this just felt appropriate. Gets me everytime :')


xxxooo

Truth Tuesday

Yipee! I am finally doing a Truth Tuesday, on an actual Tuesday! I feel so accomplished and on top of things, pathetic? Slightly ;)

These past few weeks have been nothing out of the ordinary really but that's okay with me because my life in the "ordinary" is still pretty dang amazing! What a blessing right! I've been having bbqs with family and friends, working out like there's no tomorrow, working (which I can't say I love devoting every weekend of my life to, but I have a job! So that's something worth praising!), enjoying all of my little nieces and nephews and all of the joy and happiness they bring to all of our lives! Kids truly make life the BEST! Anyways..

1) I love that the small stuff doesn't get me down as much anymore. Obviously I am only human, and I am not emotionless, so yes, I get sad or angry and frustrated, but thankfully I have been given such an incredible life with the world's most amazing people and there's no doubt I have a reason to smile in everyday. Just a little bragging moment.

2) I've recently fed a tiny craving that may now be a tiny addiction. I never understood how people could crave something (a drink, food, snack) every.single.day. But I am sad to admit, I have fallen in love with lime Coke Zero, curse you Sonic.

3) I have a new found love for lifting. But an even deeper love for running and running the stairs at Nampa High, so weird right? But I love it. I love to do any sort of workout where I can actually see my progress, like running the track or the stairs. Plus, I feel like when I run I leave all of my bad thoughts and feelings behind. It's a sort of "free the soul" kinda thing I guess. It feels super empowering and I love that feeling! So, if you need to find me on any given evening....stop by there ;)

4) Lately it has really hit me how fast time really goes. When you're young everything seems to go so slow, be so out of reach, so distant and then you hit this point where you are just like...where did the time go? Years feel like months, months feel like weeks...it's just crazy!! I often find myself sitting and thinking, "there is no way that was already three months ago, that feels like just yesterday". It's mind blowing and sort of sad!

That's all for this beautiful Tuesday!

xxxooo

On Letting Go...

Am I the only person out there who spends too much time and energy analyzing things? It's not even an action I have a choice by, it is a part of me. I have always been the type of person to run things through my mind over and over, breaking them down, putting them back together, only to completely break them down again. What if I do this or what if that happens, how can I fix this, what did I do in this situation that I could do differently next time? I'm constantly looking for an answer and outcome to everything. It's partially because I am a perfectionist and partially because I am trying to figure out a way to make things work, always. Regardless, it can get exhausting.

Lately, however, I have been trying to work on my "inner me". ..trying to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Everything happens for a reason, reminding myself that God has the best plans for me and to trust in him because he will make sure everything turns out just right. If only it were so easy, though. Don't get me wrong, I put my full and complete trust in our Lord and Savior but I still can't bring my running mind to a hault, or even a slog jog ;)

Not only that but I have a hard time knowing when to let go. Knowing when to finally say, "you know what you've done and given all you can and there is nothing more you can do". Because although I'm just one being, I feel like if I want something to happen, I can make it happen. With or without others help. And while that can be such a rewarding mindset to have, it can also be so discouraging and unrealistic. Some things just can't be done by one person, some things take effort and care from other people, I'm not super-human, and some things just aren't meant to be.

Basically, my mind is on overload. I realize this post is all over the place and a bit overwhelming but I needed to vent and ease some stress.

I feel like I need to let out some of my inner demons...

• I have the most serious trust issues that make this whole "wandering mind" thing worse. More stuff to handle by myself. I am outgoing and ambitious but I have little desire to make new friends due to the fact that I trust no one. I bottle up so many emotions because of this and try to just handle and cope with everything on my own. I lean on no one but myself until I finally hit that point where I just break down and cry. I don't necessarily think I need to work on letting any new people in as I do need to work on opening up to those I've already given a place in my life. They are there for a reason and too often do I not take advantage of their abundant support.

•  I want so badly to see the good in people, there are some people in my life that no matter how hard I try, how much they hurt me, or how bad things get, I cannot give up on. It's a blessing in disguise but it definitely puts me through hell sometimes. I have a really straight forward way of deciding people's placement in my life. You do me wrong, you're out. (Unless of course you are one of my FEW special people who I feel I can't give up on). Lately, I feel like because of that, and the fact that I always put others before myself, that I am at times taken advantage of. I feel like I am always driving myself to the point of exhaustion for everyone around me, which don't get me wrong, I LOVE to help others, or I obviously wouldn't continue to put myself through the exhaustion but sometimes it would be so great to just get as much as I give. I can only blame myself for part of it, I need to learn that it is ok and good to give yourself "you" time. To take a day and be completely selfish and spend it doing the things I love most; sleep in, run, read a good book, take a bubble bath, not get ready for a change, watch my favorite chick flicks all day with a bowl of popcorn and no place to be. I guess the point of today's blog is to put my emotions into words so I can finally start making some changes.

Today, I vow to live for me. Which in no way means what you would think just by reading that statement. No, it doesn't mean I want to live selfishly and only for myself. It's a promise that I will continue to strive for perfection but in a way that doesn't drive me to complete feebleness, to continue to make my family and friends feel loved and appreciated every day while doing the same for myself, to understand that it's ok to take the time for me, that I can't control every situation no matter how badly I do or don't want that something to happen. To wake up everyday and remind myself that I am enough, to not beat myself up over the little things, take me as I am or watch me as I go. I need to be vulnerable and share my thoughts and feelings with the amazing people God has placed in my life, to take the time to just breathe and let things be.

xxxooo